


All Holds Barred

by Acadjonne



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Club 27, Drug Abuse, Gen, Implied Overdose, Literal Gatekeeping (in this case into death), Mentions of the afterlife, Near Death Experiences, Unhealthy behaviour, based on fanart by happy_humbug76 on instagram, frankie dared me to write this, i hope you're happy frankie, this is kinda sad man im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-07-12 11:34:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15994367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Acadjonne/pseuds/Acadjonne
Summary: Gerard was fed up. He had just turned 27 and was pretty sure he was gonna die, so he hid a backpack with a suit, some liquor, and some pills in it, and told the guys he was going for a hike.





	All Holds Barred

**Author's Note:**

  * For [gerardsjuarez](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gerardsjuarez/gifts), [https://www.instagram.com/happy_humbug76/](/gifts?recipient=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.instagram.com%2Fhappy_humbug76%2F).



> As stated in the tags, this is based off of art that happy_humbug76 posted on Instagram like, yesterday? So Frankie messaged me saying she wanted to write something based off it, I offered an angstier suggestion than the idea she already had, and she encouraged me to write it instead.
> 
> ...I should really be doing my assigned reading for intro lit right now. Or working on my BBB. Probably the latter. Oops.
> 
> Humbug's art can be found here: https://www.instagram.com/p/Bnr5xFsjEG8/?taken-by=happy_humbug76
> 
> The dialogue in the first part is a transcription of this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQk4XuTT0hs

_“Hey, guys, it’s Frank, from the band My Chemical Romance. Uh, this message is very important, but I’m sick, so, um, I’m gonna make it quick. Um. We have a few more songs to do for the record. And, uh. Gerard said he was gonna get to them as quick as possible but. He left two days ago for a hike, uh, wearing a black shirt with a grizzly bear on it and, uh, we haven’t seen him since. We found a note. It said something about being the next Jim Morrison, and, uh, something about life being a bag of shit. Uh, he was wearing denim yankee blue jeans and a black shirt, so… So if you have any information as to his whereabouts, please contact the website. Uh, I’ll talk to you guys later. Peace.”_

* * *

 

There comes a point where Gerard feels there’s just nothing left in him.

They’re almost done recording  _ Revenge _ when he can’t take anything anymore. They’ve been back from California for about four days, on a short break following several straight weeks of recording. They’ve only got a few songs left before it’s ready; about one third of the vocals from  _ Helena _ , the vocals for  _ Hang ‘Em High _ , and  _ Give ‘Em Hell, Kid _ is really only a bassline at this point in the recording process. 

Toro had asked them all over to regroup, so they could work on  _ Give ‘Em Hell, Kid _ , since it had neither completed guitars or lyrics. Ray and Frank are still working out some changes between the chorus and the verses, where their guitars are going against each other. Ray is firm that a certain note in a certain place needs to be changed, while Frank is adamant that the section is fine as-is. For his part, Gerard just really can’t think of anything he could write for this goddamned bridge.

Eventually, he hits his limit of frustration, and announces to the others, “I’m going for a hike. See you later.”

Of course, a hike is not his real plan. Gerard is about halfway between almost-sober and drinking-away-the-hangover, and he intends to work harder to rule out the former. He’s got a backpack stashed outside Ray’s building in some bushes, filled with a fifth of whiskey, and a bottle of pills. He grabs the bag as he passes, and begins the trek into the woods.

As he opens the backpack to dig out his stash, Gerard notices that his show clothes and makeup are still at the bottom of the bag. Kind of a little fucked up already and mostly not thinking about anything important, Gerard sheds his t-shirt and his jeans in favour of the suit. He struggles with the tie, which is no big surprise since he usually gets Ray or Frank to do them up for him. Gerard also tries his hand at the makeup, but with no mirror and limited coordination, he imagines his attempt looks utterly terrible. Once he’s dressed and looking like death, Gerard shoves his clothes into his backpack and starts walking deeper into the woods, taking swigs from the bottle of whiskey as he goes.

Gerard eventually lets himself drop beside a large tree with a nook just large enough for him to lean into. He swallows a couple of pills and washes them down with the whiskey, waits a while, and then repeats the process out of sheer boredom. The more he drinks, the more pills he takes, the less he can think of what he has to live for. The band, his friends, Mikey, his parents, all of that falls away, until there’s nothing left. Nothing but exhaustion and heaviness and resignation. Gerard might spend hours or days under that tree, repeating the self-destructive cycle, before it all falls away under the heavy hand of sleep.

* * *

 

When Gerard wakes up, he is no longer in the woods. He’s back in an urban area instead, all cracked pavement and cloudy skies. Not too far ahead, he can see what looks like a small building, not too tall but fairly long. He wanders over.

As he approaches, two previously indistinguishable dots become more visible to him. One is a sign which simply reads, “club entry,” while the other is a person, blonde with shaggy hair. He looks familiar, and once Gerard’s within eight feet of the building, he realizes who it is.  _ Kurt fucking Cobain _ .

Kurt’s holding a clipboard, looking like he’d rather be anywhere else in this moment. Gerard makes his final approach slowly, suddenly feeling unsure of himself.

“I’m here to join the club,” Gerard says, looking up at Kurt. He tries not to feel small, or give away any signs of hesitancy. Kurt looks him over, suspicious, and hums.

“Am I supposed to know who the fuck you are?” He asks, and Gerard pauses.

“Um. I’m Gerard Way? Maybe you’ve heard of my band-”

Kurt cuts him off, not even bothering to look up from whatever he’s writing down on his clipboard. “Not on the list.”

“Not on the list?” 

“Nope.” The P is popped, sharp and precise.

Gerard brings his hands up to his chest, linking his fingers together. “Maybe I’m in as “Gerry”?” Kurt sighs down at him.

“Kid... First off, you look twelve. This is not the “twelve club”. Second... If you’re in a band, people wanna see you get screwed up. Don’t give them what they want. Give them hell. And don’t come back here.”

Gerard almost scoffs. He would, if it wasn’t Kurt fucking Cobain. Instead, he turns on his heel, starting the walk back down the cracked pavement. Kurt calls back out to him as he leaves.

“You got this, kid! Also, nice suit.”

Gerard doesn’t appreciate being talked down to, but he’ll take the compliment.

* * *

 

Gerard actually, properly,  _ for real _ wakes up back in the woods, with sun shining evilly in his eyes as it sets and some of the booze and pills leaving his system. Whatever he took, he tripped out pretty bad. He forces himself up, gathering what’s left of the whiskey alongside his backpack, and starts the hike back into Belleville. He leaves the pills behind.

He ends up drifting, and before long is pulled into his old friend Dennis’ house. He relinquishes the empty bottle of whiskey over to Dennis, who forces a glass of water into him and then leads him into the basement. He tries to get an explanation for  _ something _ or other out of Gerard, but he’s too out of it to really be up for talking right now.

The next morning, Mikey and Frank troop downstairs to drag him back home. Gerard, hungover, cranky, and not quite awake yet, accidentally tells Mikey, “you’re worse than Kurt, man,” when Mikey tries to give him shit for wandering off alone for so long. Gerard will admit he deserve the punch Frank levels him over the whole Jim Morrison thing, though.


End file.
